Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Transition
Wow....it has been such a long time writing! I had very good intentions to be here and to posts different things but I got distracted.Hmm....let's see
I have officially graduated and I'm working. It feels great. Surprisingly, I love what I do - I'm a school nurse :). Of course like anything else it had its ups and downs. That's about as much update as I have.
I am in this period of transition. My birthday is coming up and I am going to be one year older.i thought about all the things I had hoped to accomplish by now and have fallen short. I am not married, which means I do not have any kids. I do not have my masters and I am still paying my student loans off. Sigh. It was a very hard pill to swallow...some times it still is.
However, like I said, I am in a transitional period. I feel a "selah" moment coming. I remember a pastor at my church said that in the bible when you saw the word selah, it meant you were about to transition to another level. There have been a lot of bumps, hurts and disappointments along the way but never to the point that I was destroyed. In my eyes, I have been just shy of failure, but I'm beginning to think that in God's eyes, I might very well be transitioning to another level....hopefully a deeper level.
Job - I do like it but I am becoming restless. Do I just change scenery as in a different school or do I change the field completely(Public health)
School - how I would love to be there but work and school? I know it can be done and that's not even my fear. My fear is if I really can afford to pursue a masters degree knowing that could very well mean more loans
Home - I am getting tired of this fast paced life. It seems liked am always rushing to some place. Ironically, it's very, very rarely because I am late. It's because I have a particular train to catch and even thou I am on time, the distance where I have to go is far. I go from one meeting to another with very little time between. I am just tired. So I most definitely would like to move.
I can't pretend that I always that I understand where God is leading me and I don't pretend I have a clue as to what he is doing but the is this assurance that as long as I keep my eyes focused on Him, I most certainly cannot go wrong.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Cave or Stronghold
I was preparing to teach about David: A man after God's own heart and I learned some interesting things.
David was hiding away in a cave after being anointed to be king, after killing Goliath.
I had just gone on my first interview since graduating but now I was still without a job and without any other prospects of getting a job
David was moping and mourning and wondering why God had allowed this to happen and why Saul was chasing him.
I was the same way...minus Saul of course.
Suddenly a group of men came into the cave to hide away from their own problems. David was in his confusing mess and here are these men who come to him for guidance
I realized that even in my own self-pity and problems, that I still have a responsibility to the people around me to minister the Gospel of Christ.
Chuck Swindoll wrote in the book that at this point is where he thinks that David wrote two psalms: 34 and 57. As I read these psalms and I read what Swindoll wrote about David, I thought about my own life.
How did I get here? Why am I here? I don't deserve to be here! Everything within me said that "as an anointed king, I deserved better". I'm sure David thought the same thing. Either way, we were both in this cave. So here are these people looking to David for help and guidance and David eventually looks to God. So while their eyes were on David, David's eyes were on God... no one could go wrong!
Long story short, these disillusioned, broken, hurting people became David's mighty men. It wasn't when everything got better, it wasn't when David became king, it was in the midst of that cave.
In 1 Samuel 22, it says that David went out of the cave to talk to Saul and then David went back to a stronghold. This cave that David found fear and confusion; the cave where it looked like every hurting and broken person gathered was the same place that provided a sense of security... it was a fortified place.
Out of this cave emerged David and 600 mighty men! This encouraged me so much because while I realized that I still have a responsibility to point to God, in my place of hurt and confusion and even anger, God uses it to make it a stronghold. When I emerge, I'm not coming out alone, I'm coming out with all the disillusioned, broken, hurting, desperate, lonely and every other type of person that sought answers and they will be mighty men and women of God!!
So really it was never about David, just like it's not about me. It was then, is now and forever will be about God. It's about God taking a willing person, even when they're hurting, to use them to point to the cross. David knew full well of God's grace and provision (as do I). I think those people gathered to him because they heard of what his God had done for him. They were probably shocked when they found someone "just like them" but I can think of God saying "Don't worry. This is to show them that there is still in God in all of Israel". So yes, David had a breakdown, as did I, but it was what happened after that made the difference.
David didn't stay there and I didn't either. We both were determined to get up and fight. We both knew that the God who taught us to kill the lion and the bear, the God who killed Goliath was surely equipped to handle anything else that came our way - including not being yet in the job that was promised to us.
I would be remissed if I didn't say that David eventually became king..... and that I eventually got a job. Neither came without a struggle but looking back, that cave prepared us for being the best person to handle the tasks that the job required.... and even if we couldn't, we more than proved that God could :)
David was hiding away in a cave after being anointed to be king, after killing Goliath.
I had just gone on my first interview since graduating but now I was still without a job and without any other prospects of getting a job
David was moping and mourning and wondering why God had allowed this to happen and why Saul was chasing him.
I was the same way...minus Saul of course.
Suddenly a group of men came into the cave to hide away from their own problems. David was in his confusing mess and here are these men who come to him for guidance
I realized that even in my own self-pity and problems, that I still have a responsibility to the people around me to minister the Gospel of Christ.
Chuck Swindoll wrote in the book that at this point is where he thinks that David wrote two psalms: 34 and 57. As I read these psalms and I read what Swindoll wrote about David, I thought about my own life.
How did I get here? Why am I here? I don't deserve to be here! Everything within me said that "as an anointed king, I deserved better". I'm sure David thought the same thing. Either way, we were both in this cave. So here are these people looking to David for help and guidance and David eventually looks to God. So while their eyes were on David, David's eyes were on God... no one could go wrong!
Long story short, these disillusioned, broken, hurting people became David's mighty men. It wasn't when everything got better, it wasn't when David became king, it was in the midst of that cave.
In 1 Samuel 22, it says that David went out of the cave to talk to Saul and then David went back to a stronghold. This cave that David found fear and confusion; the cave where it looked like every hurting and broken person gathered was the same place that provided a sense of security... it was a fortified place.
Out of this cave emerged David and 600 mighty men! This encouraged me so much because while I realized that I still have a responsibility to point to God, in my place of hurt and confusion and even anger, God uses it to make it a stronghold. When I emerge, I'm not coming out alone, I'm coming out with all the disillusioned, broken, hurting, desperate, lonely and every other type of person that sought answers and they will be mighty men and women of God!!
So really it was never about David, just like it's not about me. It was then, is now and forever will be about God. It's about God taking a willing person, even when they're hurting, to use them to point to the cross. David knew full well of God's grace and provision (as do I). I think those people gathered to him because they heard of what his God had done for him. They were probably shocked when they found someone "just like them" but I can think of God saying "Don't worry. This is to show them that there is still in God in all of Israel". So yes, David had a breakdown, as did I, but it was what happened after that made the difference.
David didn't stay there and I didn't either. We both were determined to get up and fight. We both knew that the God who taught us to kill the lion and the bear, the God who killed Goliath was surely equipped to handle anything else that came our way - including not being yet in the job that was promised to us.
I would be remissed if I didn't say that David eventually became king..... and that I eventually got a job. Neither came without a struggle but looking back, that cave prepared us for being the best person to handle the tasks that the job required.... and even if we couldn't, we more than proved that God could :)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
shoes of peace
So in jrhigh we're doing a series on the armor of God and I was asked to teach on the sandals of peace. I had just come back from vacation and was a little "out of it". I hadn't seen the kids in three weeks and I had no idea what was going on in jrhigh. Now I have to teach. All week I prepared and I was ready. I had been going through some things and I was praying that God's spirit would be merciful to the kids because this broken vessel He was about to use, was.... hurting.
The morning was a little hectic and right before class started I remembered the words to a song that I thought would be appropriate. I went to look up the song and instead found Isaiah 52v7. So I opened the lesson with that and that was the first and last time I looked at the notes that I so beautifully prepared. God had other plans and He was merciful. Not only to the jrhighers but to me.
As I prayed, the only "plan" I had was to tell them to take the shoes off their feet and surrender it to the altar. I didn't doubt. I knew God would do it. Those kids are so very hungry for God. I was more afraid that they'd walk out and it wouldn't stick. So, here I was, telling 50-60 jrhighers to surrender their shoes to the altar of God and how they represent doing things their way and walking where they want to walk. Then the first person responded, then another and another and I started to cry. I realised that the God that I serve is so powerful. I had 2 pages worth of notes.... none of which I used.
I found myself giving an altar call that said, "It's great you surrendered your shoes but now God needs willing bodies to fill them. The shoes can't walk to your family and preach the Gospel on their own, they can't share the love of Jesus with your friends. God's asking now that you surrender your will and your way and trust Him". Where'd that come from??? I was blown away at how when I'm broken, I'm open and I'm saying "yes Lord" how faithful He is.
At the end, the kids responded and yes, while that was great and I watched God move two things stuck with me:
1. The leader of jrhigh said: whatever it was that took you to that place, stay there. Praise God that was an amazing message and the spirit of God was moving.
2. One of the kids said to me: thank you for sharing about your mom... and for crying. it showed that you're open and vulnerable and that encouraged me so much.
I don't know why God would choose to use me but one of the leaders in high school heard about the lesson and said to me "if you ever doubted that you were supposed to be in jrhigh, there's your proof that you're right where you need to be"
I'm never going to forget this lesson. I've taught a lot in jrhigh and there's a lot of memorable lessons. I have all the notes but this is one that when I was at my lowest, at my weakest, probably even at my worse that God choose to do something sooooo amazing!
The morning was a little hectic and right before class started I remembered the words to a song that I thought would be appropriate. I went to look up the song and instead found Isaiah 52v7. So I opened the lesson with that and that was the first and last time I looked at the notes that I so beautifully prepared. God had other plans and He was merciful. Not only to the jrhighers but to me.
As I prayed, the only "plan" I had was to tell them to take the shoes off their feet and surrender it to the altar. I didn't doubt. I knew God would do it. Those kids are so very hungry for God. I was more afraid that they'd walk out and it wouldn't stick. So, here I was, telling 50-60 jrhighers to surrender their shoes to the altar of God and how they represent doing things their way and walking where they want to walk. Then the first person responded, then another and another and I started to cry. I realised that the God that I serve is so powerful. I had 2 pages worth of notes.... none of which I used.
I found myself giving an altar call that said, "It's great you surrendered your shoes but now God needs willing bodies to fill them. The shoes can't walk to your family and preach the Gospel on their own, they can't share the love of Jesus with your friends. God's asking now that you surrender your will and your way and trust Him". Where'd that come from??? I was blown away at how when I'm broken, I'm open and I'm saying "yes Lord" how faithful He is.
At the end, the kids responded and yes, while that was great and I watched God move two things stuck with me:
1. The leader of jrhigh said: whatever it was that took you to that place, stay there. Praise God that was an amazing message and the spirit of God was moving.
2. One of the kids said to me: thank you for sharing about your mom... and for crying. it showed that you're open and vulnerable and that encouraged me so much.
I don't know why God would choose to use me but one of the leaders in high school heard about the lesson and said to me "if you ever doubted that you were supposed to be in jrhigh, there's your proof that you're right where you need to be"
I'm never going to forget this lesson. I've taught a lot in jrhigh and there's a lot of memorable lessons. I have all the notes but this is one that when I was at my lowest, at my weakest, probably even at my worse that God choose to do something sooooo amazing!
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