Keep Moving Forward

So for some reason I've been finding myself in leadership positions lately. It's almost like people seek me out...almost. I find that some one would ask me to do something and somehow I'll end up leading the group. I don't seek it out, in fact, I try very, very hard to stand in the background. I don't like being the center of attentions. It makes me uncomfortable. However, that seemed to recently work against me.

It's wierd how two people can look at the same situation and see completely different things. I had someone tell me, for the first time ever in my entire life, that I don't know how to be under authority and I like to be always in control.

I will admit, when I do know what I'm doing with certain things, not that I voice that I'm the authority on it, I do give my input more often than not. At the same time I do allow others to share their thoughts/opinions. I know I don't know everything but when I heard this it made me think. I questioned the things that I do and why I do them. In actuality, I should be...forced (maybe not the best word) to speak up because I choose to be in the background mostly because I'm not confident. That's a different story in itself but, when did it become so bad to step up as a leader when no one else wants to?

It has been the most difficult week of my life. It's Friday and I'm still doubtful. I've had a very difficult time praying and entering in to the presence of God because all I kept hearing was this negative stuff. I laid it aside and trusted God. It's a little hard because this is the first time anyone has ever told me that I have issues with authority. I've been working with people (authority) since I was 15; working under leadership. What makes it so difficult is 1) the person who said it to me has had issues with me forever 2) if it's true, why has no one ever told me?? 3) if it isn't true, why would this person say that?

I'm trying hard not to run and hide, which is the easiest thing for me to do. I don't really want to stay "here" but it's so hard for me to keep moving forward. So...I will lift up my eyes and be still...